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Live my own expectations; not what others define as the definition of success.

I have done a lot of things in my 24yrs (nearing 25yrs) here in this life. I’ve acting on stage, a television show, and a movie. Even though it was background acting I did it, my dream manifested; not in the biggest grandest way but it came into existence. It went from being in my head to experiencing this in real life. I’ve been an artist and sold my first painting in high school. I created a garment and it was sold in a boutique. I designed a garment and it was created overseas and sold online and in boutiques. I’ve experienced what most here would say is nominal success, but for me I MUST measure MY accomplishments according to my scale. I MUST determine when enough is enough. I determine what I can handle, what I can take, and how far I go with it at MY OWN pace and at the best of my ability. I may not be the most sought after and well known person, but I am ‘enough’. I am enough for myself and no one else. I accept my failures and accomplishments; the level I am on and what levels I aspire to, whether it be for many eyes or few. I can no longer live up to anyone else expectations of me and what success is. I am me and the decision as to what the outcome of my life should be and how I get there is up to me.

I was voted “most likely to succeed” in 8th grade. I graduated with honors in all levels of my education. I was set-up to believe that this gives me an advantage in society. Through so many possibilities on paths I could take in life I chose to embark on the one that aroused the most enthusiasm out of me: apparel design. From choosing this path I’ve experience a slew of emotions. One most currently being disappointment. Soooooooo many disappointing aspects to name. (without getting into this) I have figured out that I must do things MY way in order to try and experience the most fulfillment out of choosing this path. Met with disappointments my life is now on the verge of becoming unconventional.. It was unintentional but as I look back on my emotions in past situations I can see how I’ve been led here, which helps this not to come off as such a shock to me. I can still live the life I want, that I feel is right for me; there is a certain path that I must take to get there. I’d like the easy road, but after getting lost I have to find another to take to get there. I just have to keep looking ahead, looking at my options that lay before me and believe that I will get there. And don’t set limitations on myself or ones constructed by others and implied time restrains.  -I’ll be ok, in my own way. 

Made in Egypt

nefertitisdaughter:

Made in Egypt,
Not in Rome.
With winding hips
And high cheekbones.

Royalty seized by
Lost White knights.
Erased, rewritten, and rasterized.

Golden ankhs adorn
An elegant neck
Worn to mourn
A mortal death.

Made in Egypt,
Stolen by Rome.
Radiant almond skin
Turned to bone.

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